We’ve ordered uniforms and we’ve met the Principal. My eleven year old daughter, who is starting middle school this Fall, is half-way through her required summer reading list. She’s ready. But I’m not. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy she’s turning a new page in her life. I’m proud to watch her move into full-pledge adolescence. Her brand new charter school is fabulous– on paper. Check out some of what my daughter’s new school plans to offer:
- Inquiry-based learning,
- Hands on experimentation,
- After-school clubs galore,
- High-tech classrooms outfitted with the latest Apple stuff,
- Daily music lessons,
- Friday outings to a 300 acre ranch for agriculture,
- Animal husbandry and archaeological studies.
- Organic food lunches.
The list of super-cool offerings makes my mouth water. Heck, I want to sign up myself. But sometimes (my inner pessimist says often) reality is not so shiny.
Last Saturday, my daughter and I stood in an open hallway waiting for her turn to audition for the school’s show choir. Other people waited for their turn also. After ten minutes of quiet, some of the kids started talking to each other. Here’s the deal: those kids talked about TV shows (and nothing else) for as long as we all stood there (1 hour).
We don’t even have a television at home. My girl needs at least a friend or two she can talk to about a million other things– make-up, books, cousins, snorkeling, homework, the future, boys, girls, teachers,YouTube, the past, food, music, sports, summer travel, winter travel, college plans etc. It could be these kids just happened to talk about TV for an hour this one time. But what is more likely is that they are wasting their summer in front of the tube.
Possibility #2: My daughter could go to the local, high-quality prep-school instead. The uniforms are prettier (red and blue, instead of grey earth tones), there are lots of different sports available for kids to participate in, but more important students come from families that travel and read (at least the newspaper). The down sides? The teaching is heavily top-down. There is a ton of homework. And it costs a lot.
Growing up, I attended a total of 7 different K-12 schools. Some encouraged inquiry, some shoved information down your throat. Some had sweet teachers, some had scary ones with bad hair. Some had huge playgrounds (one surrounded by a forest), some had a lot of cement-scaping. But what I found most compelling in my education was my classmates. The best education comes from having the brightest (and nicest) classmates.
Which school, the new charter school or the fancy prep, would be better for my daughter’s creative development? Both have great potential. The charter school encourages inquiry. The prep-school drills in the proper skills and offers more interesting peers. It would be nice if these schools could merge into one amazing institution for my daughter’s sake. But since that isn’t going to happen any time soon…here’s the question:
Where should I drop my daughter off come September?
Filed under: schools Tagged: | charter schools, Creativity, creativity in school, education, middle schools, new school, peers and creativity, prep schools, schools
what a wonderfully loaded question!. i think you answered it. YOU pick your friends. too bad you can’t pick your childs friends
. my exp. is similar to yours and it appears that friends do become more important in those pre and teen years and whether or not you like it, your child will pick her own friends. having gone to a diff schools as you did what i see now looking back is that without knowing it i gravitated toward the N’s in the school. funny. i didn’t know anything about the personalities then but i was attracted to the readers instead of the “in” crowd. my parents always approved and liked my friends. my sister, not so much. she’s an S, and was looking for fun and approval. her grades were always top of her class but my parents and i for that matter did not approve of her friends. all s’s. no depth, no reading, etc.. or so i thought. today one of these girls has adopted for all intents and purposes a teenage girl from central america who has no place to live and has given her a home and promised her an education through college. pretty amazing. so, i say whatever school you choose your daughter will pick her friends and you’ll have to work through it if they aren’t n’s and enjoy them if they are.
You make a great point. We do choose our friends and they have to choose us as well. As parents, you can only place your kids as
best you can…
Thanks for commenting, Jennifer.
Joana, I relate so well! I sense a great need for my kids to be surrounded by like-minded peers now in adolescence more than ever. Of course I want them to be in an environment that fosters creativity and allows them to pursue their interests while challenging them to grow into well-rounded people. I have created this for them in a small way with homeschooling and my community education programs. But they need their “core” of other learners who can help them do more than they would do independently, and who can definitely do more than talk about TV. I want all the benefits of a “school”–choir, band, service learning projects, collaborative learning–for our kids without the excess baggage of a large institution. Would you like to work with me to develop a “home” for our local community of creative thinkers?
I know you’ve been doing good work around town, Enicia. Have you checked out High Tech High in San Diego? Those schools are about as perfect as you can get. They are public and egalitarian and also have the best bells and whistles.
Here is my humble 3 cents from a mom who struggles with similar thoughts:
You, the mother and your family, also count hugely in her view of the world. Make sure she isn’t so busy and peer-based that you lose your influence.
Do not underestimate your contribution already to her value system and your inspired role as her intelligent, hardworking, achievement-oriented, achiever mom. She has already learned the inquiry method from the way you do things in your home. Maybe making sure the peer group is what influence you want is your next priority.
No answers from another dreamer-mom!
Touche, Tiffany!
Thanks for commenting.
Here is my humble 3 cents from a mom who struggles with similar thoughts:
You, the mother and your family, also count hugely in her view of the world. Make sure she isn’t so busy and peer-based that you lose your influence.
Do not underestimate your contribution already to her value system and your inspired role as her intelligent, hardworking, achievement-oriented, achiever mom. She has already learned the inquiry method from the way you do things in your home. Maybe making sure the peer group is what influence you want is your next priority.
No answers but only hto from another dreamer-mom!
OMG I feel for you. This takes me back. Two of my three have just completed university. I agonised over all their schools (they all chose different schools and I endorsed their choices) Two turned out to be great choices, one not so good. This daughter turned into a rebel, flunked her A levels and wanted to leave education altogether. I managed to persuade her to go to university for one semester. It was difficult to get her in because her grades were so low. The tutors didn’t think she’d make it past the first semester.
She turned the whole thing around. Her eyes were opened by the new material and a different peer group. That was three years ago and she’s just graduated with a first class honors degree. (top of her class).
In the end it’s the love and support and parenting that you are providing that will ensure that she turns out great whichever one you choose. And in the long run even bad experiences turn into amazing learning ones.
Good luck.
How inspiring, Eleanor! A few years ago I read “The Nurture Assumption” by Judith Rich Harris. Her big idea: kids turn completely to their peers during adolescence to become like them. When I read that book I thought she was full of it. I still think she is only half right. Peers do have a huge influence. But so do parents. Sometimes there is war between the two ‘sides” and the outcome not so certain. But I also know that kids need to identify with their peers to give them all that influence. They have to attach to them emotionally. If peers are wonderful, that’s a good thing.
My favorite creativity researcher Mihalyi Cikszentmihalyi found Highly Creative people (mostly) did not identify with their peers until they got to college!
Thanks for sharing your story!